Essentially, no.
But, if you want to take the word of one Bubbles S. Cohen and her Jewish Day School education, then yes. For the record, this day school was obviously lacking in something, because Bubbles (note: not her real name) never learned that Marcel Proust was Jewish (and a ghey, but that’s besides the point), a fact that I, incidentally, learned today from the New Yorker (proving the old adage that the New Yorker >> everything else ever in the world).
Exhibit A: a "schnoz" if you will (ugh, I will)
Let’s set the stage, shall we? Our story begins not in the court of Ferdinand and Isabella, but on the balmy shores of Punta Cana, where six intrepid travelers found themselves being assailed with offers of Ponzi schemes as well as lists of famous Jews (ones that obviously left off one Marcel Proust). To our disbelief (oh, the disbelief!), Christopher Columbus was on that list. Not the Ponzi scheme one, the Jew list.
In the haze of six days of Mama Juana and food poisoning (the good old “FP”), we quickly forgot about this almost-definitely untrue factoid from the Jewish contingent of Team Dominican Republic. That is, until today, when we received this piece of troubling news out of the Latin American Herald Tribune (an obviously well-respected paper).
Evidently, some “scholar” from some bullshit school (really, who has ever heard of George Washington University? anyone?) proved that our favorite genocidaire of 1492 Chris was a Jew based on COMMA USAGE. She hides her methods through the use of “Spanish” and “linguistics,” but she is NOT fooling me. Not one bit.
GW "students" are inordinately fond of this stupid statue. Yes, it is a hippo.
After the jump: my rebuttal to this booshit booshit booshit.
Point A: Christopher Columbus used a lot of commas, also known as “virgule.”
rebuttal: do you know who else uses a lot of commas? Peggy Noonan. Not a Jew (thank Yahweh)
Point B: Christopher Columbus deliberately hid his origins. Thus, must be a Jew.
rebuttal: The Jews I know talk about it, a lot. They LOVE being Jewish. Everyone wants to be Jewish, including Tall, who has to remind us all the time that she’s half-Jewish or else we’d forget and Jappy, who tries so hard that she drives a BMW.
Point C: Christopher Columbus had a terrible sense of direction.
rebuttal: I’m Jewish, and I have a great sense of direction. I am an excellent navigator and driver. Chris? Not so much.
If I just sail West far enough, I'll get to India! Of COURSE!
Point D: Christopher Columbus committed genocide, before it was cool to do it.rebuttal: I don’t even need to make this point. Why rub it in?
Thus (THUS), I’m not buying it. And neither should you.
No Jew I know would ever be caught dead in a hat that ugly unless it was Prada.
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