Be honest for a minute, the new Ford Fiesta looks great doesn’t it? So does the new KA for that matter. And the new mondeo. As a matter of fact, most new cars are starting to look, well, pretty damn good. I was having a nose around Vauxhall’s new Insignia the other day, and I just couldn’t get over the amount of luxury that is now affordable to the average man. For just a few thousand of your pounds you get a decent engine, in petrol of course, and a river of leather so voluptuous it’s a serious concern that the seats might swallow you whole. And that’s even before you get onto the looks of it. Cameron Diaz bathing in a pool of syrup doesn’t even come close. The simple fact is that throughout all of the new models currently on sale, there isn’t really a minger among them. And that, frankly, is just plain wrong.
Think about what this will mean for the supercar market? I’ve just entered something called the Sir William Lyons Award, it recognises one person each year as the best young motoring journalist, so as competitions go, it’s pretty big. Now here’s the thing. For this competition I had to write two articles, and for one of them I had to answer a question as to how the recent economic and environmental crisis will affect cars in the future. I chose to focus on the supercar market, as I reckon that’s where the biggest changes will be seen. I said that trying to make a green supercar, which, by the way, is something BMW is working on with its new Z10, is ridiculous. Supercars are supposed to encompass three simple rules. They must be powerful, they must be expensive, but overall, they must be stunning to look at. I said that supercars are supposed to bend the rules, because they give us something to aspire to. So, I ask you, if all the normal production cars look so great, what’s going to happen to supercars?
You could argue, quite rightly in fact, that there’s no reason why normal cars shouldn’t look good. There’s no reason at all why your normal daily runabout can’t have the aesthetics of Jennifer Aniston’s bottom. But what is the supercar market going to think? They’re going to have to go at least one better, and I’m sorry, but there has to be a limit to how beautiful an object can be. So if all the production models are so stunning, does that mean that The Aston’s and Lambo’s of today are going to have to take a back seat on the shelves? Are they going to be bullied in the playground for having weird doors and swollen wheel arches?
Here’s a home truth for you. Normal cars are supposed to be ugly. They’re supposed to be just a little bit too long, and just a little bit too nasty on the inside. Because that’s what makes the car market work. You start in some nasty hatchback, and then you see a decent saloon, and you think “ooohh, I’d like one of those,” so you save up and after a few years, you buy one. And then that saloon starts to age, and bits of it fall off, so you get something like a BMW or Mercedes. And that sets you in good stead for the next decade or so. But then you want a Porsche or something similar. You see what I mean? We need a ladder of beauty in motoring, because it gives us something to aim for. Small boys won’t want to have pictures of Fiesta’s and Vectra’s on their bedroom walls. They want Ferrari’s and Caterham’s. Something that has some balls about it.
So really, this is a plea to the likes of Ford and Vauxhall. Please, stop making good looking cars, because the supercars can’t take it. Porsche is too old to change now, they’re stuck in their ways. Lamborghini have no money left, so they’re stuck with making the Reventon for a while. And Aston? Well, they were found crying in the toilets the other day. So seriously, calm down. Nobody likes a bully you know…
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